To my Sweet Jane on her First Birthday

Sweet Jane,

I wanted to continue the tradition that I started with the other kids and write a special note to you on this your first birthday.

The past year has flown by!  It has been filled with so much joy and love.  I still remember being big and pregnant with you like it was yesterday.  I'll never forget the special experience that I had while laboring with you in the hospital in the quiet hours of the night.  Your dad was asleep.  I of course couldn't get any rest at a time like that.  My mind was really active thinking about what life would be like after bringing you into this world and how our little family would change.

I remember getting a distinct feeling that Heavenly Father was sending us a really special spirit and that he had saved you just for us.  Heaven was so close that night.  I couldn't help but just cry over and over.  I didn't have much pain, or I was able to tolerate it pretty well, I'm not sure which.  From before I even went into labor with you, I felt so at peace that things would work out and that I would not be alone in the process of bringing you into the world.  The spirit was so strong in the room and I just felt overwhelmed with the spirit as it confirmed to my heart that everything would be ok and that soon we would be blessed with a precious daughter that Heavenly Father specifically chose to send to us.  I felt a lot of pressure because of this and I just hope and pray every day that I'm raising you and your brother and sister in a manner that's pleasing to Him.

As with Natalie and Blake's births, things got kind of rocky at times.  There were some really scary points in the process where the epidural went to my head and I really felt like I was in between this life and the next.  And then further into the process when the nurse came in to check your heart rate, she couldn't find it at all.  Soon the panic set in for me and her and before I knew it, the entire staff from labor and delivery were surrounding me frantically trying to find that heart rate.  My immediately thought was that we'd lost you, but then I remembered back to the feeling of peace that I'd had when your dad gave me a blessing and I knew that everything would be ok.  They checked me again and, much to their surprise, your head was down and you were ready to come out!  You had dropped so fast that your heart rate had gone off the monitor and wasn't being recorded.

I can hardly describe the feeling of holding you for the first time.  I just bawled and looked at your fresh, innocent face and tiny body.  You were absolutely beautiful.  I felt so much love for you and gave thanks for the miracle that Heavenly Father had blessed us with. It's such a blessing to be a mom.  Your mom.

After waiting about 40 minutes for the placenta to present itself and no sign of it, the dr. concluded that she would need to do a D&C.  I admit that I panicked a little inside at the sound of that because I'd had the procedure done two weeks after having your sister Natalie and nearly died because things had gone so badly.  But again I remembered my blessing and knew that Heavenly Father would watch over me.  The drs. let me hold you skin-to-skin against my chest while they did the procedure.  You gave me so much comfort and helped calm me during that scary time.  Everything went really well, as I knew it would.

You've learned and grown so much since that day when we got to bring you home.  You're so active and busy now.  A true go-getter.  You keep mommy on her toes all day.  You've got firey red hair and a personality to match sometimes.  But you can be so sweet too.  You've been our snuggliest baby by far.  When daddy gets home, you love to crawl up to him and cash in on some much-missed hugs and kisses.  You give your mommy open-mouthed kisses on the face all throughout the day.  I so enjoy your slobbery affection.  :)

You're still not walking, but that will come soon enough.  I just want to keep you little for as long as possible.  You've got only one tooth, but another is trying really hard to pop through.

You love to play with your brother and sister.  Whatever they're doing, you want to do...especially if they're going outside.

You never had a problem with stairs.  From the time I set you on them, you seemed to know instinctively what to do.

You are my little daredevil.  You climb up the slides on the big playground at Natalie's school and then go down backwards smiling and laughing the whole way down.

You are a mommy's girl for sure.  You cling to me most of the day.  I call you my little shadow.  I love to have you close, even if it means that I don't get much done sometimes.

You're still not sleeping through the night.  You get your best feedings in then, so mommy held off letting you "cry it out".  It's so hard on mommy to hear you scream when I know that I can do something to fix it and calm you.

You get so jealous when I hold Natalie and Blake or another child.  You can't stand to see someone else in (what you think is) your place on my lap.

You've always had the beat.  Whenever you hear music-even in the background of a commercial-you start jiiving.  It's so cute.  Music always calms you, too, when you're upset.

You are a little better eater than your siblings, but still are quite picky.  You will eat yogurt, mashed bananas, pizza, sometimes pancakes, and you absolutely love mac 'n cheese.

You've never been a great napper for me, but on occasion I get a great one out of you.  But you pretty much always wake up happy, at least in the beginning.  :)

You're such a pretty little thing with your red hair and long eyelashes.  Everyone always oohs and ahhs about them whenever I take you out.  You have a cute little dimple on your right cheek that I love to see when you smile.

I can't believe you are already a year old.  I just wish time would stand still.  The past year with you has been filled with so much happiness, Jane, and we are so glad to have you in our family.  It's hard to remember what life was like without you.  I thank my Heavenly Father every night for sending you and your brother and sister to our home.  Children really are life's greatest blessing.

We love you to bits, Jane!

Love Mom